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- When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
- Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
- In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
- Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome could not be contained in one building.
- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.