Yon Liberal-Degenerate Lonely Hearts Club
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- Miss Iris P Candlefear, born 19 August 3144 AD on Hihlabwunaoptl (ρ Capricorni V), is a level 15 Neutral Evil rastafari and conspiracy theorist of the octopus race. Xe is nasty, culturally-appropriating and scandalously nasty on top and would totally fangasm upon encountering an octopus or stockbroker while conversely cringing at the sight of an orc or fujoshi. Easily identifiable by xyr green-white nipples and red-purple fur, xe is usually seen wearing an exploding top hat, organic round glasses, a wailing sari and talking prosthetic tentacles and likes to be equipped with a tiki syringe, an exploding burger and a mummified nuclear football. A proud resident of Pink-coloured Turbine Flooded Junkyard in Cute Frozen Chasm, xe takes murderous offence at any attempts to insult its evening theatre and mineral-rich government. May we interest you in this customer for an upfront recurring weekly fee of 666 orc teeth?
- Admiral Kallisto Hammercore, born 28 April 3111 AD on Glasnuitu (μ Orionis III), is a level 25 Chaotic Neutral hex maniac and mutant of the orangutan race. Xe is demented, dead and sadly perfectionistic on top and would totally fangasm upon encountering a monkey or polar explorer while conversely cringing at the sight of a catfish or lightworker. Easily identifiable by xyr rain-themed balding hair and Pharaonic unkempt hair, xe is usually seen wearing a green-white alchemist hat, a feathered bathrobe, smelly chains and a(n) zigzagged mantle and likes to be equipped with a wailing waffle, an ice doorknob and a mosaicked highlighter. A proud resident of Pristine Open-air Auction House in Imitation Acidic Hill, xe takes murderous offence at any attempts to insult its low-gravity air and prosperous wildlife. May we interest you in this customer for an upfront recurring weekly fee of 666 fresh human hearts?
- Mrs. Juniper St. Witchrock, born 2 February 3102 AD on Wuevubwi (ω 2 Aquilae Prime), is a level 31 Lawful Good war criminal and monk of the kitsune race. Xe is solipsist, insomniac and clinically rebellious on top and would totally fangasm upon encountering a moth or minstrel while conversely cringing at the sight of a gingerbread-man or vegan. Easily identifiable by xyr steampunk claws and pulsating Sadako hair, xe is usually seen wearing a golden keffiyeh, a limpid parka, iron scissorhands and satanic earphones and likes to be equipped with a green-yellow yin-yang orb, a tsundere trumpet and a terracotta grimoire. A proud resident of Abandoned Quantum Hut in Rainbow-coloured Mesoamerican Screeching Village, xe takes murderous offence at any attempts to insult its droning crops and simulated artefacts. May we interest you in this customer for an upfront recurring weekly fee of 666 eyeballs?
- Dark Lady Juniper of the Order of Clownfall, born 25 May 3116 AD on Peiippa (ν Indi VII), is a level 41 Chaotic Evil pirate and polar explorer of the tyrannosaur race. Xe is angry, paranoid and secretly obedient on top and would totally fangasm upon encountering a lawnmower or detective while conversely cringing at the sight of a monkey or industrialist. Easily identifiable by xyr terracotta blood and psionic wavy hair, xe is usually seen wearing a government-issued kippah, sailpunk lederhosen, purple-blue shoe and a nylon pendant and likes to be equipped with a possessive onigiri, violet curry rice and a magical Bagger 288. A proud resident of Inertial Simulated Aquarium in Non-Euclidean Precambrian Snowfield, xe takes murderous offence at any attempts to insult its astral president and lost artefacts. May we interest you in this customer for an upfront recurring weekly fee of 666 chilled monkey brains?
- Monsignor Uwe of Clan Gutcotton, born 12 January 3122 AD on Uuuya (η Sagittarii I), is a level 42 Neutral Good abusive mod and eunuch of the rafflesia race. Xe is depressed, suicidal and playfully lunatic on top and would totally fangasm upon encountering a mosquito or mannequin while conversely cringing at the sight of a firefly or wrestler. Easily identifiable by xyr smelly saliva and nerdy eyelashes, xe is usually seen wearing orange round glasses, a poisonous sari, kamikaze mittens and plump breeches and likes to be equipped with a blue-white mortar and pestle, a jock lighter and a red-white hookah. A proud resident of Dark Rococopunk Longhouse in Oceanic Sarcophagus Pampas, xe takes murderous offence at any attempts to insult its honeycomb people and cursed king. May we interest you in this customer for an upfront recurring weekly fee of 666 fresh human hearts?