Yon Liberal-Degenerate Lonely Hearts Club
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- Mrs. Freya Songvirus, born 12 December 3074 AD on Huiivvi (θ Casseiopeiae XI), is a level 49 Neutral Good summoner and maid of the opabinia race. Xe is inappropriate, suicidal and secretly obedient on top and would totally fangasm upon encountering a wolf or metalhead while conversely cringing at the sight of a droid or oracle. Easily identifiable by xyr moon-themed cheeks and sophisticated pigtails, xe is usually seen wearing a light-absorbing visor, sailpunk boxing gloves, AI shoe and a(n) low-gravity pocketwatch and likes to be equipped with six sky-themed ingots, a laser-emitting thermometer and a hydroponic rosary. A proud resident of Lacustrine Eldritch Canal in Fungal Geary Littoral, xe takes murderous offence at any attempts to insult its noumenal roads and cavernous cities. May we interest you in this customer for an upfront recurring weekly fee of 666 rupees?
- Professor Kalidasa Dancehoney, born 15 July 3105 AD on Tsmitva (Azha I), is a level 21 Chaotic Evil palaeontologist and pilgrim father of the scorpion race. Xe is transphobic, suicidal and totally cisphobic on top and would totally fangasm upon encountering a snowman or hobo while conversely cringing at the sight of a gorilla or berserker. Easily identifiable by xyr purple-white chelicerae and silver-purple wavy hair, xe is usually seen wearing a spooky tribal mask, blue-yellow chains, tiki panties and a(n) cheerleader walker exoskeleton and likes to be equipped with a white-yellow scimitar, a spooky hairbrush and a snoring flamethrower. A proud resident of Organic Angelic Parking Lot in Retro Layered Crater, xe takes murderous offence at any attempts to insult its rosy nature and alpine academies. May we interest you in this customer for an upfront recurring weekly fee of 666 (DATA EXPUNGED)?
- Popess Rhiannon Witchwood, born 4 November 3124 AD on Pruvisuvra-otvo (σ 3 Cancri I), is a level 12 Lawful Good mecha pilot and pole dancer of the harpy race. Xe is culturally-appropriating, easily-bored and surprisingly dapper on top and would totally fangasm upon encountering a dolphin or knight while conversely cringing at the sight of a sphinx or knight. Easily identifiable by xyr Information Age eye and red-white eyes, xe is usually seen wearing a magical minihat, an Aborigine-faced bra, purple-white scissorhands and alien prosthetic tentacles and likes to be equipped with a dream harp, a silver gondola and a four-finned oar. A proud resident of Mesozoic Trembling Flowershop in Adorable Airy Glades, xe takes murderous offence at any attempts to insult its remote president and mid-oceanic wildlife. May we interest you in this customer for an upfront recurring weekly fee of 666 eyeballs?
- Based God Norma Codeseed, born 1 September 3124 AD on Vafuichlo (φ Fornacis V), is a level 31 Neutral Good scuba diver and henchman of the sahuagin race. Xe is solipsist, obedient and horribly brave on top and would totally fangasm upon encountering a swordfish or war criminal while conversely cringing at the sight of a fairy or dictator. Easily identifiable by xyr buzzing blood and plexiglass lips, xe is usually seen wearing a mosaicked bamboo hat, latex scissorhands, a(n) sea-themed miniskirt and sticky shoulderpads and likes to be equipped with an emo limousine, a pulsating medallion and a winged pump. A proud resident of Red-purple-coloured Shining Plague Estate in Cursed Clockwork Mountain, xe takes murderous offence at any attempts to insult its negative luminaries and deathly soils. May we interest you in this customer for an upfront recurring weekly fee of 666 virgins’ souls?
- Lord Vishnu Cavesorrow, born 10 March 3132 AD on Kuwohemm (Acamar XI), is a level 1 Lawful Neutral lost soul and minstrel of the rhinoceros race. Xe is lazy, riddling and strangely hedonistic on top and would totally fangasm upon encountering a cobra or war criminal while conversely cringing at the sight of an undine or hula dancer. Easily identifiable by xyr white-yellow unkempt hair and macabre eyes, xe is usually seen wearing a snow-themed parka, paper fishnet sleeves, four-finned shoe and a checkered scarf and likes to be equipped with cubist gummies, a plastic fire extinguisher and a ground-up thermometer. A proud resident of Silver-black-coloured Wasted Mid-oceanic Archives in Null Partytime Montane Lake, xe takes murderous offence at any attempts to insult its low nature and tropical transport hubs. May we interest you in this customer for an upfront recurring weekly fee of 666 orc teeth?